liz_marcs: Mystery of the Ages

liz_marcs (

liz_marcs) wrote,
@ 2005-10-24 19:45:00

Current mood:

grumpy

Mystery of the Ages
Random Question

If you were an ancient God-King, what form of technology would impress you? The eat-laser-death-infidel-die-die-die cannon that can be mounted on the back of a pick-up truck isn't working out for me.

This is a very sad thing.

For some reason, I keep thinking: "Kitchen gadgets! Kitchen gadgets rawk! Go-Go Kitchen Gadget!"

Oh, pooh. Now I'm obsessing about kitchen gadgets. This bodes not at all well for me.

I truly need an alternative here. Much as I'm tempted to try zombies on pogo-sticks or monkies with jetpacks (both things that can always be used to improve a story), I must resist.

Random Mystery

Why do people sing in the shower?

No, seriously.

I am, at this current time, "enjoying" a seranade by my next-door-neighbor's 14-year-old daugher.

She's singing something that may be Metallica. Could also be Briteny Spears, y'all. Kinda hard to tell. Whatever she's singing it's out of her range

[Note to self: must Google to find out if it's possible to "sing out of your range" when one doesn't actually have a range.]

This, by the way, is not aiding me in my blank stare at WORD. Yes, yes, a very blank stare indeed.

I blame the soundtrack which....

She's obviously at the bridge because the squeaking has picked up in volume and increased in pitch.

I can tell because a glass just shattered.

I may be required to retaliate.

I mean, why can't she do something normal like argue with imaginary characters in the shower? Or beat her head against the shower tile?

Christ, I think my ears are bleeding.

On the Whole, It Could Be Worse

I could be the guy who...

had to auction off a pair of leather pants.

wrote an open letter to the person who stole his camera why he has 17 pictures of a cat's ass in memory.

spent more than $6,000 to go on the 'Ultimate Hippie Vacation.'

*sigh*

Kitchen gadgets....

(Post a new comment)

	eve11 2005-10-25 12:05 am UTC (link)
	If you were an ancient God-King, what form of technology would impress you? The eat-laser-death-infidel-die-die-die cannon that can be mounted on the back of a pick-up truck isn't working out for me. How about gene technology? Or barring that, video games? Or maybe architecture or like the engineering of big skyscrapers? (Reply to this)

	sunnyd_lite 2005-10-25 12:08 am UTC (link)
	How about Jiffy-pop? Kept me amused as a small child...a microwave is just a magic box where things are transformed. Jiffy pop, it bubbles! my 2 (canadian) cents worth (Reply to this)

	silly_dan 2005-10-25 12:13 am UTC (link)
	The acoustics are better in the shower, and you can easily be fooled into thinking no one else is listening. I can't help but think a lot of god kings would be impressed by the fact that even the common folk could bathe in private with lots of soap. Though they would not be impressed by the singing. (Reply to this)

	booster17 2005-10-25 12:23 am UTC (link)
	The x-box Crash Bandicoot worked well, so maybe the whole something small and totally unimaginable is how to go. Cell phone? Gameboy? Or something way out like road crossing lights. "Where has the red man traveled to?" (Reply to this)

	ludditerobot 2005-10-25 12:32 am UTC (link)
	God-King? Assuming Egyptian, Air Conditioning. Singing? Acoustics plus watching movies. The singing in the shower scene is the other thing Grease II has going for it. The hard surfaces give great reverb. The questions is: Why sing if you can't? Anyway, I love how Faith told off the resurrected Tara .... No. Wait. No fic update. Just leave me hanging, why don't you? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	ludditerobot 2005-10-25 12:43 am UTC (link)
	I've been thinking on this for a while, and central heating, plumbing and recorded entertainment would've made King George III's life much more pleasant, if The Madness is in any way accurate. He was one of the most powerful men in the world, and it's comparatively so primative, closer to the lives of King David or Julius Caesar than modern life. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	abbylee 2005-10-25 12:47 am UTC (link)
	I sing even though I can't. Not usually in the shower, I much prefer the car. It's a good stress reliever. Much like dancing in your bedroom to really loud music (hairbrush optional). (Reply to this) (Parent)

	msp_hacker 2005-10-25 12:36 am UTC (link)
	Things to amuse an anchient god-king A wooden triangle that is tilted in one direction, a wooden cylinder, and two wooden cones glued together. One rolls up hill, and one doesn't. Of course, we spent a half hour talking about how a downy ball works, so it could be something like pop rocks. (Reply to this)

	jgracio 2005-10-25 12:36 am UTC (link)
	Traffic lights. An ingenious way to control your subjects. Taxes. A cruel torture method. And what ludditerobot said on the no update thing. :( (Reply to this)

	4thdixiechick 2005-10-25 12:38 am UTC (link)
	Kitchen gadgets! Yay, gadgets! OK, I don't know which gadgets would impress an ancient God-King...I bet Alton Brown could suggest one or two! As for singing in the shower, I used to think it was for the acoustics; now I think that people think the sound of running water drowns out their voices - your neighbor has proven them wrong! Happy rainy Monday. (Reply to this)

	chriself 2005-10-25 01:22 am UTC (link)
	Thank you for making this day end with laughter.:) (Reply to this)

set_aka_ian
2005-10-25 01:52 am UTC (link)

Depends on how ancient a god-king we're talking about.

The written word was seen as 'magic' by pretty much every culture that developed it, with the norse and their runes and the hebrew qabalists being the most notable examples.

Information 'technology' in all of its glory, from media to education to language to being able to 'talk' to people on continents that the average god-king might never have known existed *instantly.* The average peon of the civilized world knows more than any god-king ever did about what is going on all over the world moment to moment, while these ancient figures might not have had the slightest idea what was going on outside of their direct visual / extrasensory range.

A natural philosopher of old could spend his life wondering something like this, which in the day of wikipedia and knowledgebases and google, can be answered in a matter of minutes. Even in the case of an issue without a clear right or wrong answer, like ethics or why toasts lands butter-side down, a quick search can turn up learned discourse from dozens, if not hundreds of minds, making the internet like a parallel processing of human knowledge. The SETI@Home of discovery, with any question being distributed to possibly millions of viewers to ponder and offer their own thoughts upon.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	ludditerobot 2005-10-25 02:49 am UTC (link)
	I graduated CS. I met my wife via email. I bow to no man in my love to computrons, but there's a context for the god-king to understand it and it's still just words. Air conditioning and even more refrigeration, cool air in the desert would be an absolute mindblower. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	invisionary 2005-10-25 02:09 am UTC (link)
	For some reason, I keep thinking: "Kitchen gadgets! Kitchen gadgets rawk! Go-Go Kitchen Gadget!" Maybe not impressive, but certainly useful - a refrigerator. Or a freezer. If you went back in time and offered someone any one kitchen gadget, I'm certain they'd pick the refrigerator/freezer. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	physicsteach 2005-10-25 09:23 pm UTC (link)
	At least if they've heard of the germ theory of disease. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	invisionary 2005-10-25 11:47 pm UTC (link)
	Well, you don't need to understand germ theory to notice that meat starts to stink after a few days out in the sun. I think most primitive cultures caught on to the basics of food spoilage pretty quickly. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	soundingsea 2005-10-25 02:15 am UTC (link)
	I'd imagine that the intarwebs would provide a certain amount of wonder and amusement. (Reply to this)

hrm...

sanityfaerie
2005-10-25 03:24 am UTC (link)

First, thank you for those links. They were wonderful.

Second, on God-Kings...

- Very Large Explosions
This one speaks for itself, really. Actually, anything with great destructive force that can be thrown around in an off-the-cuff manner will put some serious fear, and probably a bit of respect, into the more violent breed of God-King

- Fresh fruits out of season
Any food, really, but fruits especially. That whole supermarket thing, where you can get fresh stuff in the middle of winter, for a negligible fee, would blow their minds.

- Gemstones of improbable size
It is now possible (I am told) to create gem-quality industrial diamonds, given time and money. As far as I'm aware, given enough time and money, there is no upper limit on size. A sufficiently large gem will blow the mind of anyone who still uses the smaller ones as highly concentrated currency.

- any means of communicating instantly from a distance, especially with voice, especially cell phones.

- Vehicles that go very, very fast indeed.

- depending on the god-king in question (in particular, copper, bronze, or iron age) a decent suit of full plate, if you've got someone athletic enough to use it on foot is enough to make its wearer invincible. God-Kings pay attention to "invincible".

By the same token, a tank. Note that modern tanks have a targeting laser that can dial up to enough power that a quick sweep can blind any hostiles you don't want to kill.

- sufficient degree of mastery of the martial arts to achieve the aforementioned "invincible" effect.

- sniper rifles. Killing specific people from very very far away is another good way to frighten and/or impress god-kings. Night vision goggles are decent by themselves, but the two together are especially impressive.

- if he's got a decent number of scribes on the payroll, then anything approachign modern printing tech will blow his mind. Otherwise, it's just a bit too far out of his experience for him to care.

- modern construction equipment, and the buildings that result, and the speed with which they can be constructed.

- Air Conditioning, Refrigerators, and Freezers (covered more than adequately by others)

Just a few thoughts.

the Sanity Faerie

(Reply to this)

herewiss13
2005-10-25 03:35 am UTC (link)

What you want to impress a God-King isn't something flashy and totally incomprehensible. Would you be impressed by a small box full of flashing lights if you were told it could sort your underware to coordinate with daily Ipod selections? Look for things that solve "current" day problems just a little _better_ than anything they could possibly imagine, rather than gadgets that solve problems that aren't even concievable yet.

Try a lighter (if fire-starting is still rather laborious, what with tinder, flint, etc.)...or perhaps a record-player. Entertainment is always at a premium when travelling back to ancient history. Heck, an old National Geographic issue is going to totally gob-smack your God-King (presuming that there are no photos of the millenia-old ruins of his current palace...that'll just irritate him).

The "Island in the Sea of Time" trilogy by S.M. Stirling (which I love but others have hated)deals with exactly this sort of diplomacy-by-anachronism at length and with multiple cultures as the Island of Nantucket is transported back to the Bronze Age. If you're truly looking for inspiration, you'd be hard pressed not to find it there (or possibly in 1632, though that deals with 1632 A.D., which is considerably more recent but deals with the same issues of "what impresses the locals?")

Oh, and yes...it's totally about the echos and resonance. Your voice sounds more like it does inside your skull (as opposed to when it's recorded)...only louder. The warm, humid air probably opens up your sinuses too, allowing more resonance there too...plus deeper breathing.

...and I'm really starting to overthink this.

(Reply to this)

	hpchick 2005-10-25 06:02 am UTC (link)
	TV? Cars? Polaroid Camera? Blender? Power Saw? Toaster? George Foreman Grill? (Reply to this)

(Anonymous)
2005-10-25 07:18 am UTC (link)

The thing is if you were an ancient god-king, then you wouldn't be going out looking for technological wonders that might simply impress you, you'd be trying to utilise them for more practical purposes.

Obviously, one of the first things you'd be doing, would be trying to re-establish your power-base by collecting some followers/believers. Now for this, I'm sure the internet could provide a nice selection of possible followers, even despite the fact that none of them had heard of you before.

Once that's achieved, you then need to find out about the competition... previously the easiest way to do that would be to locate the local storytellers and listen to the tales they spin. These days the same can be achieved by simply turning on the TV, of course being an ancient god-king you wouldn't know which tales to believe and which not to, and might be surprised to discover all the new gods that have turned up in your absence.

So immediately, two technological advancements have proven useful to you. The Internet and Television... unfortunately they're the same thing that most of the mortals you wish to command seem to be addicted to, so it may lose you some credibility with the followers you've only recently acquired.

You only risk total loss of credibility when your followers discover you've become addicted to the tales of fellow gods or heroic humans, and are now only threatening to smite people when seasonal cliffhangers leave you tense for long periods of time. Performing some actual smiting might actually increase your credibility somewhat. Especially if it's network execs that are your targets, particularly after they've chosen to stop showing any further tales of certain heroic persons/events for the rest of eternity. That might actually increase your number of followers.

Of course you'll lose them altogether when they discover that you don't even choose to avenge these 'cancellations', and instead use your newly discovered internet tool to just rant about these decisions to mortals who are similarly upset about the outcome.

. . .

Maybe I've thought about this a little too much.

Mike C (Who's now scared that some of the people he's read on the internet might have been ancient god-kings in another life. I think that's a worry that everyone ought to consider.)

(Reply to this)

	skipp_of_ark 2005-10-25 09:05 am UTC (link)
	Impress a god-king?? Hmmm. "Plastics." (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lakrids404 2005-10-25 10:13 am UTC (link)
	Hello Mr. Robinson (Reply to this) (Parent)

lakrids404
2005-10-25 10:04 am UTC (link)

Many of suggestions, that people have given here, seems to suggest that the Ancient God King (Illyria?) comes from a more primitive culture, that might well be. But you can also go the “Harry Potter way” and say that the AGK come from a society that are build on magic, and could it be very well be more advanced in several areas, than us own. Do you want entertainment? conjure some nightmares. Central heating? conjure some fire and air elementals Instant communications? a refined version of telepathy that we also saw Willow use. Mass destruction weapons? create a two way portal into an environment that are hellish for you enemies.
I would think that such being as AGK would not be such impressed of ours (technical) abilities as individuals (most technology today demands a wide ranges of industries that no man or woman could make on its own. But it would perhaps be impressed of our abilities to work together for mutual benefit and perhaps some art.

(Reply to this)

	ffutures 2005-10-25 10:57 am UTC (link)
	If we're talking Illyria she knows what we can do - after all, she has all Fred's memories. But there are undoubtedly things that would impress Fred even though she knows they exist - a shuttle launch, the Empire State Building, etc. (Reply to this)

	cgilmore 2005-10-25 11:12 am UTC (link)
	Ah, the joys of listening to someone else singing in the shower... My personal favorite was listening to my roommate howling out "You Can't Always Get What You Want" at top volume. He had the slight misconception that the bathroom offered a certain amount of soundproofing. (Reply to this)

	lostfolio 2005-10-25 03:39 pm UTC (link)
	I always thought people sang in the shower because a) so many people do it in movies and old tv shows and cartoons, that we're conditioned into doing it. And 2) because the tiles and general echo-y accoustics make you sound lots better, like George Martin, but with soap. (Reply to this)

	What would impress a God-King... beach_engineer 2005-10-25 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	a toaster. or Microwave. A magic box (no visible fire as a means of cooking) makes raw food cooked. Want a good movie example, ok well not a GOOD movie example buy a movie example... Encino Man. (Reply to this)

moooleeesssaaa
2005-10-26 12:21 am UTC (link)

i have three top choices
1 - kitchen aid mixer with ALL attachments - i bake & i still am in awe of the dough hook (how do they do that?!)

2 - any fad toy of the 80's particularly the slinky. (don't make me sing the song!) oh & don't forget the whacky wall crawler.

3 - duct tape. it's duct tape. nuff said.
& an honorable mention goes to the mighty potty. where does the poo go?!

as for bathroom singing / why sing if you're bad at it i reference the movie Toys. joan cusack & robin wright penn both sing quite badly but we forgive them cause they in the bathroom.

(Reply to this)

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