liz_marcs (liz_marcs) wrote,
liz_marcs
liz_marcs

  • Mood:

Best! Conversation! With! Mom! Evah!

Ahhhhhh, my mother can be sooooo French sometimes.

It appears I got something "special" in the mail. This "special mail" actually went to my parents' house more than 40 miles away to a house where I haven't lived in for some time.

 

Our Heroine's Mother Who's Acting Like She's 12: You got mail here today.

Our Heroine: Unh-hunh. Who's trying to get me to give them money this time? My high school? My college? I know it's not the ACLU. They already know where I live.

OHMWALS12: [giggling] It's a free sample.

Our Heroine: [suspicious] What is it?

OHMWALS12: I think it should be a surprise. [gets off phone and yells to Our Heroine's father in the background] It's a federal offense to open someone else's mail, right honey?

OHFather: [yells from background] Leave me out of it!

OHMWALS12: Can I open it? Hunh? I can open it if you say I can.

Our Heroine: Knock yourself out.

[sounds of ripping]

[sounds OHMWALS12 giggling]

Our Heroine: [groans] This is going to be good, is't it?

OHMWALS12: [portentiously clears throat, begins reading] "Are you battling that dry feeling?"

Our Heroine: I got a skin lotion sample?

OHMWALS12: "Do you miss that wet and wild feeling?"

Our Heroine: I got a free bath oil sample?

OHMWALS12: "Are you afraid of getting intimate?"

Our Heroine: I got an trial offer for a dating service?

OHMWALS12: "Introducing Loving Touch, for that personal celebration on Valentine's Day."

Our Heroine: [being a thicko] Wha?

OHMWALS12: It's lube!

Our Heroine: [boggles that her 65-year-old mother 1) knows what lube is; 2) is pleased as punch she's got a sample in her hands; 3) seems to have no problems that it was addressed to her daughter]

OHMWALS12: You don't have any plans for this, do you?

Our Heroine: [momentarily thinks of saying "yes" just to give OHMWALS12 a heart attack, but stupidly changes her mind] Ummmm, if I really needed any, I can go down the street and buy it. I'm not going to travel 40-plus miles just for a free sample.

OHMWALS12: Can I have it?

OHFather: [from the background] Gah!

Our Heroine: Gah!

OHMWALS12: If you really want it, I can save it for you.

OHFather: [from the background] WHAT?!?!?!

Our Heroine: Nononononononono. Do whatever you want with it.

OHMWALS12: Score!

 

And that, people, is why I call my mother almost every day...

Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 30 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →