A post and run because I have to go grocery shopping tonight.
Up to Part 66 is here.
Part 67 is here.
Selected items from UNS combined Q&A session with Faith Lanoire-rah and Alexander Lavelle Harris-rah, circa September 2003. Camlin Tikri reporting.
UNS: So, I was talking to Rupert…
FL: It’s all lies.
AH: [to FL] Little over the top, there.
FL: I’m a little defensive. I smell a hatchet job.
UNS: No hatt-chit job. It seems to me that you’ve, perhaps, overstated your interpersonal relationships.
AH: [picking at teeth] Wait. Wait. Something’s stuck…
FL: Told you not to eat the chicken. Too stringy.
AH: [pulls something from mouth] Hunh. It’s a hair.
FL: Whose? [peers at something in AH’s fingers] Well, I know it’s not Willow.
AH: Yeah. Curtain matches the drapes there.
UNS: Curtain? Drapes?
FL: It’s brown. Could be mine.
AH: Nah. You and me were yesterday. Let me think…oh! It’s Giles!
FL: Fuck. You and Giles! When?
AH: This morning.
FL: Doesn’t he just rock the bed?
AH: You used a bed? What’s wrong with the wall?
UNS: Excuse me…
FL and AH: What?
UNS: I know you’re having fun with me. Rupert made it quite plain that there was no…
AH: Giles is Brit-boy. Tell him a fart joke, and he’s all over it. Mention the S-word and he’ll deny that anyone is having it.
FL: Makes you wonder where he thinks babies come from.
AH: Hell, I only just found out about him and Ethan.
UNS: Ethan? Who’s…
FL: Yeah. Rupes gets all talky after the Big O.
AH: Pillow talk. Could listen to that accent for hours.
UNS: Excuse me! If you are not going to take this seriously, we’ll end the interview right now!
AH: But don’t you want to set the record straight?
FL: Yeah. What about searching out the truth and presenting it in a clear and reliable manner?
AH: She can’t take the truth!
FL: Nicholson is my other god.
UNS: Look, the issue isn’t me and the truth, it’s the two of you and the truth.
AH: What about it?
UNS: All right. Fine. I’ll play your little game. Bank robbery. Rupert said Faith never robbed a bank.
FL: Bullshit. He’s just trying to preserve my good name.
AH: But he’s wrecking your rep. You should talk to him about that.
UNS: That’s it. Faith told me that the two of you were planning to rob a bank. Something called the First National.
AH: You didn’t.
UNS: See? He does not know about it!
AH: Actually, I’m just disappointed.
AH: You’re so addicted to publicity. I mean, c’mon. We’re planning to take down a bank and split with the money. What do you do? You go blabbing to the press before we do the job.
FL: Why are your panties in a bunch? It’s not like she’s going to sell the story to the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
AH: That’s not the point.
FL: [hangs head] I’m a media whore.
UNS: That. Is. Enough. [UNS glares at FL and AH] Here is your chance to be heard. This is your opportunity to speak to generations as-yet unborn. And yet here the two of you sit like it’s a futching joke.
[FL and AH exchange looks]
AH: Ever see something called The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance?
FL: Great flick. Really great flick.
UNS: Is that like a vid?
FL: [shrugging] I think so.
AH: Anyway, the basic plot is this: a wild frontier town where the law is the law of the gun. This guy comes into town and he wants to bring the rule of law, as in real law, and civilize the town.
FL: He makes friends with this one cowboy who believes in the law of the gun, but he’s a good guy. The town bullies don’t like it and the worst one, Liberty Valance, challenges him to a shootout. It’s going to be murder because the new guy doesn’t know how to use a gun.
AH: Everyone in town watches this with baited breath and they see the new guy shoot Valance. Valance drops dead. New guy becomes a hero, he gets the girl, he becomes a political bigwig, and his view of the future comes about, complete with rule of law and no more law of gun.
FL: You following this?
UNS: I think so.
FL: Anyway, years later, the good cowboy dies and the new guy, who’s now a bigwig, and the girl he won, who’s now his wife, come back into town.
AH: Waiting for ’em is this newspaper guy and he wants the whole story on why these important people are going to the funeral of a nobody.
FL: Turns out the politician’s whole life was rooted in a lie. He didn’t shoot Liberty Valance. The cowboy did from an ambush point. No one ever knew. Hell, even political guy didn’t know until much, much later.
UNS: So the truth comes out?
FL: Never does.
UNS: I don’t get it. Why not? That’s the scoop of a century if I follow what you’re saying.
FL: No one would believe it.
AH: See, everyone had believed one story for so long, that the real story didn’t matter any more. It wouldn’t change anything that came before and might ruin lives in the long run.
FL: Great closing line from the reporter, though.
AH: “When the choice is between the truth and the legend, print the legend.”
UNS: I don’t get the connection between your, well, disrespect and…
FL: Point is, doesn’t matter what we say. People are gonna believe what they believe.
AH: [stands] Look, I really don’t have anything to say. I don’t know what you’re going to ask, I don’t know what you’re going to write, and I really don’t know if any answer I give is going to be giving anyone any weapons to beat each other with.
FL: [stands] People find all sortsa shit to fight about, so let ’em use someone else. Me? I call me Switzerland. Live and let live.
UNS: But how will people know who you are if you don’t…
AH: What do you think, Faith?
FL: [shrugging] I guess we should let the record speak for itself.