liz_marcs (liz_marcs) wrote,

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You mean they PAY you for writing Buffy badfic? Where do I sign up this scam?

Part 23 of Water Hold Me Down is here, if you're looking for it.

I did nothing today. NOTHING!


Actually, I did some work on Water Hold Me Down and took a stab at my long-delayed Africander soundtrack.

I'm thinking seriously of just dumping doing the linear notes for it and just posting the soundtrack (I think I changed the order in one or two spots) with whiskyinmind's covers.

Aside from that, I did manage to take a peak at Whedonesque to see if there was any new news on the BtVS cast and crew in projects.

So, naturally, the buzz (and what howls there are!) about the awfulness of Queen of the Slayers, Nancy Holder's post-'Chosen' novel. And no, I ain't linking because, Holy Canoli! Badness surely abounds.

So, let me get this straight:

Holder, who got bitch-slapped for her last book and inspired howls of rage for showing a clear preference for Buffy/Angel over Buffy/Spike in some quarters, has managed to prove that her detractors had a damn fine point about her.

This same woman whined her ass off in the wake of this bitching saying the writing tie-in novels were OMG!SOHARD because she had to work under tight time constraints and at the specific direction of FOX and that none of her sterling work would ever be considered canon by Whedon and company.

And let's not forget: "You're hurting my saaaaaaaalessssssss. And FOX will stop publishing Buffy-tie ins if you don't keep buying badly written crap with the name Buffy on them!"

To which I replied: Shut up bitch! Tie-in novels, when parlayed right, can lead to a steady gig as a novelist writing original fiction, just ask Chris Golden or Peter David. There are people who'd cut off their left tit to have your opportunity. Fuck it. I'd cut off left tit for the chance. And, I should add, if some New York Times best-selling novelist, like, oh, Stephen King knocked on FOX's door and ask to write one, they wouldn't be panting at the chance, even to the point of letting SK write whatever the fuck he wanted, matching canon or what FOX wanted or not.

So, anway, here there be spoilers. Make sure you put down the liquid.

  • The book ends with Spike/Buffy/Angel creating a "mystical love child."
  • This is apparantly accomplished by the three of them holding hands, there is a mystical light, and then there is suddenly a baby.
  • Buffy starts off as a bitch, makes some horrendous mistakes in the middle, but returns to being "Buffy" and being right by the end.

What. The. Fuck. Not even any dirty-dirty three way sex? Are you KIDDING me? This would cause the worst Mary Sue badfic author to blush crimson for even thinking of this. What on earth possessed anyone to think this was a GOOD idea? This is like setting up a super-duper Mary Sue in coming novels. And what the fuck ever happened with Buffy wanting to be her own person before being saddled with this kind of family responsibility? Especially since she got saddled with DAWN for reasons beyond her control.

Are we suddenly saying that Buffy ain't complete until she has her own Baaaaa-byyyyyyy!?! Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you.

And I didn't like Angel/Buffy OR Spike/Buffy, and I am completely insulted by Holder's obvious play at appeasing both fan factions.

Apparantly Xander has a really nice subplot detailing his work in Africa. Giles apparantly sends him there to find the source of the Slayer spirit, it details some of his adventures, and then he discovers startling news that evil continues to outweigh good in the world (even with all those brand-spaking-new Slayers running around) and that the next apocalypse will finish them all off.

Fuck it. I ain't even tempted. Nice as it is to get postive Xander in anything with an official Buffy imprint, not a chance am I setting fire to my money like this.

Anway, Willow is aparantly more grounded, Giles is back to being Giles again (whatever that means), Faith and Robin are together, and the true identity of "the Immortal" is revealed (I'd bet my rent on the idea that "the Immortal" and the First Evil are one and the same).

When I look at that, I weep for the amount of work I put into fanfic, which I give away for FREE!

If this is the kind of shit that gets published for tie-ins, someone clue me in on how I can jump on the gravy train, because I so would be all over this.

So, can anyone who's actually read the book spill the details on whether this is actually true? How about some details about Xander, Willow, and Giles, since their stories aren't inspiring 'roid rage in whoever has read the novel?

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